THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE????  My third child is learning to read and I can’t help to realize how crazy our language is.  It is difficult to teach something that makes no sense and over the years it is getting harder and harder.  I can start with “I before E except after C” but then it all goes down hill.  Over the years a simple word like good has changed to neat – sweet – dope and sick.  With my children spread out every six years…..these are some of the changes the English language has had in my house over the years:

1997:    (we added words to a sentence to make it more great)  Things were like totally awesome.  She for sure was so ready to go cruising.

2003:   (we changed the meanings of the words)  Sue’s friend rocks and her outfit was phat.  Dawg the party was sick then we bounced to Joe’s to chill, it was tight.

2009:  (we try not to spell any words)  2day R kids look 4 ways 2 m8k shrt cuts.  2nite Sue gave 411 2 R BFF, s000 GR8.   B4N

I can’t blame our kids….I don’t understand why things are the way they are either.  Sometimes I think it might be easier to just invent a more understanding language.  Maybe it is just me but lets look at some of the problems with the English Language.

Words have different meanings:

  1. The bandage was wound around the wound.
  2. The farm was used to produce produce.
  3. The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
  4. We must polish the Polish furniture.
  5. He could lead if he would get the lead out.
  6. The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.
  7. Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
  8. A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
  9. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
  10. I did not object to the object.
  11. The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
  12. There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
  13. They were too close to the door to close it.
  14. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
  15. A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
  16. To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
  17. The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
  18. After a number of injections my jaw got number.
  19. Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
  20. I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

Words don’t mean what they say:

  1. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; no apple or pine in pineapple.
  2. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France.
  3. Quicksand works slowly
  4. Boxing rings are square
  5. Guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig
  6. Writers write but fingers don’t fing, grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?
  7. If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn’t the plural of booth beeth?
  8. One goose, two geese. So – one moose, two meese?
  9. If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
  10. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
  11. Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
  12. Have noses that run and feet that smell?
  13. How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are the opposites?
  14. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver or purple

Dreamt is the only English word that ends in the letters MT

The words racecar, kayak and level are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes)

A 12 letter word is the longest word typed with only the left hand – Stewardesses

A 9 letter word is the longest word typed with only the right hand – polyphony

The average person’s left hand does 56% of the typing

The sentence: “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog” uses every letter of the alphabet

There are only four words in the English language which end in ‘dous’: tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous

Words in the English language that have all five vowels in order – abstemious, facetious, annelidous, and arsenious

Words in the English language that have all five vowels in reverse order – duoliteral, subcontinental, and uncomplimentary

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard


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