WHERE’S THE RENT ? (landlord humor)

When writing a letter to anyone you should always check your spelling and sentence structure………..Below are a few funny letters written to Landlords that I thought you might like:

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.

This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt my knob off.

I awoke this morning and found my water boiling.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road.  Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up and it is getting old.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

The toilet seat is cracked:  where do I stand?

Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap.  My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.

Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk?  Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.

It’s the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.

These are all in good fun…..I am a Landlord and I sure hope my tenants don’t think of me like this:

What do you have if you have a landlord buried up to his neck in wet cement?
Not enough cement.
How many landlords does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One.  One landlord holds it and the whole world revolves around him.
What do UFO’s and honest landlords have in common?
You hear about them but you never see them.
How do you save a drowning landlord?
Take your foot off his head.
When landlords die, why do they bury them 600 feet underground?
Cause deep down they are really nice guys.